Grief is one of those universal experiences that we don’t talk about nearly enough. As someone who has navigated my own losses and works with individuals seeking balance, I’ve always felt it’s a crucial conversation to have. That’s why I was honored to interview Tonje Wyn-Jones, a grief specialist from Norway, on the Balance Code Podcast. Tonje’s perspective on grief, shaped by her own profound loss, offers powerful insights on how grief helps you grow and transform in ways you might never expect.
Tonje’s journey is rooted in both heartache and resilience. She lost her second child, her daughter, at just 18 months old—a loss that completely shattered her world. But through that pain, Tonje found a path toward self-empowerment and a new life purpose: helping others navigate their own grief journeys. Her story is a testament to the strength that can emerge from the darkest times.
Here are three major takeaways from our conversation that beautifully illustrate how grief helps you grow:
Takeaway 1: Grief Is a Journey, Not a Fixed State
Tonje shared that after her daughter’s death, even simple tasks like grocery shopping became monumental challenges. The emotional toll was so overwhelming that just standing upright in a store required physical effort.
But it was her love for her surviving daughter that sparked a realization: she couldn’t remain in a state of survival forever. “I thought I could just take on the martyr role and live only for my daughter,” Tonje explained. “But she woke me up from that.”
This wake-up call led Tonje to understand that grief isn’t a destination—it’s a journey. There are phases where simply getting through the day is enough, but with time and intention, it can transform into a source of strength and growth.
Takeaway 2: You Can Grieve and Be Happy at the Same Time
One of the most profound moments in our conversation was when Tonje described an epiphany she had during a walk with her dogs. As the sun hit her face, she felt a spark inside—a realization that she could feel both grief and happiness simultaneously.
“Before that, I thought grief was synonymous with pain,” Tonje said. “I believed I had to hold onto the sadness to stay connected to my daughter. But in that moment, I realized I didn’t have to choose between grief and joy—I could have both.”
This shift in perspective was life-changing for Tonje and serves as a powerful reminder for all of us. Grief doesn’t have to define your entire existence. You can honor your loss while still embracing moments of joy and happiness.
Takeaway 3: Redefining How Grief Helps You Grow
Traditional definitions of grief often equate it with suffering. But Tonje challenged this notion, suggesting that redefining grief can lead to personal growth and empowerment.
“Most people don’t want to give up grief because it feels like the last tie to their loved one,” she explained. “But holding onto grief doesn’t mean you have to be miserable. Letting in happiness doesn’t erase the love you have for the person you lost.”
This redefinition allows people to move forward without guilt, finding new meaning and purpose in life. For Tonje, this journey led to a calling to help others navigate their own grief and discover their inner strength.
A Transformative Conversation
My conversation with Tonje was a beautiful reminder that grief, while painful, can also be a catalyst for growth. By shifting how we understand and define it, we open ourselves up to healing, joy, and a renewed sense of purpose.
If you’ve experienced loss, I hope Tonje’s story inspires you to rethink what grief means in your life. Remember: grief helps you grow—it doesn’t have to be a life sentence of pain.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. How has grief shaped your life? Share your story or connect with me—we’re in this journey together.
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