In today’s fast-paced world, many high achievers find it hard to slow down. It’s as though hitting pause is synonymous with falling behind. But what if slowing down is actually the key to sustaining long-term success and fulfillment? That’s the heart of today’s conversation with licensed therapist Kayla Nettleton, who joins me on The Balance Code podcast to explore why slowing down is essential, particularly for high performers.
Why Slowing Down Matters
Kayla brings an important perspective, especially for those of us who find achievement addictive. She shares how constantly pushing forward without taking time to pause can lead to burnout and disillusionment. As high achievers, we’re always aiming for the next milestone, the next accolade, or the next project. But when we don’t stop to reflect, we risk missing out on the joy of the journey.
Kayla says: “When we slow down, we allow ourselves to listen to the messages that our bodies are trying to send us. The reason that’s important is, for many of us who are high achievers, we’re used to just going, going, going—onto the next goal, onto the next achievement.”
This resonates deeply with me, and I bet it does with many of you, too. How often have you hit a goal only to find that it didn’t feel as rewarding as you thought it would? Kayla’s personal story of not celebrating her college graduation because she was already focused on the next step illustrates this perfectly. She recalls: “When I finished graduate school, I didn’t allow myself to celebrate because I was already thinking about getting my license and moving forward. I skipped over what should have been a meaningful moment.”
Mental Health and Burnout
One of the crucial reasons for slowing down is mental health. Kayla points out that we often don’t stop to think about how our relentless push for success affects us emotionally and physically. Our bodies and minds are communicating with us, but we aren’t always listening. As a result, we may achieve our goals but find ourselves dissatisfied or even second-guessing our choices.
Kayla shares: “A lot of that second-guessing comes from not allowing yourself to slow down and pay attention to what your needs were. You get to some of these major accomplishments, and you’re burnt out. You’re not happy with where you are in life.” By slowing down, we can check in with ourselves. Are we moving in a direction that aligns with our values and desires? Or are we simply following a path because we believe it’s expected of us? When we pause, we create the space to reflect on these questions and adjust course if necessary.
The Physical Side of Slowing Down
Kayla also highlights the role our nervous system plays in how we experience achievement and stress. Slowing down isn’t just a mental exercise—it’s a physical necessity. Our nervous system reacts to both real and perceived threats, and constantly running on adrenaline can trick our bodies into thinking we’re in danger, even when we aren’t.
“Our nervous system is trying to keep us alive,” Kayla explains. “When we slow down, we send signals to our bodies that we are safe. This is crucial for maintaining long-term emotional and physical health.” For high achievers, the idea of sitting with our feelings—especially uncomfortable ones like fear or uncertainty—can feel foreign. But Kayla encourages us to embrace this discomfort as a way of truly understanding ourselves. By tuning into the body’s signals, we can better manage stress and avoid reaching a point of complete burnout.
Practical Tips for Slowing Down
Slowing down doesn’t have to mean putting everything on hold. Kayla suggests simple, practical techniques for creating moments of pause, even in the busiest of schedules:
- Create Small Spaces of Nothingness: Start by setting aside just three to five minutes to sit quietly. Focus on your body—notice sensations, thoughts, and emotions. Kayla emphasizes that it’s not about doing this for long periods; it’s about consistency.
- Change Your Morning Routine: Avoid reaching for your phone first thing in the morning. This small habit shift can create a sense of calm and give you more control over your day’s pace.
- Nervous System Regulation Techniques: Kayla recommends simple practices like deep breathing or the Havening technique, where you gently rub your skin to signal safety to your nervous system.
By incorporating these small changes, we can start to embrace slowness without feeling like we’re losing momentum. Instead, we’ll find that we’re gaining clarity, focus, and—most importantly—peace.
How to Slow Down in Relationships and Family Life
Slowing down isn’t just a personal endeavor; it can benefit our relationships and family life as well. Kayla discusses how co-regulation can help bring calm to your household. By practicing nervous system regulation yourself, you can model this behavior for your loved ones, creating a more peaceful and connected environment.
“When you are regulated, you can help others co-regulate with you,” Kayla explains. “This is key in relationships and family dynamics, especially when stress levels are high.”
Slow Down to Thrive
Slowing down is counterintuitive for high achievers, but it’s a necessary step toward long-term success and well-being. By giving ourselves permission to pause, we not only prevent burnout but also allow ourselves to fully enjoy and celebrate the journey toward our goals. As Kayla reminds us: “It’s not about doing it every day; it’s about creating the space where you can. Start small and build from there.” Incorporating slowness into your life can be simple and powerful. Whether it’s three minutes of quiet reflection or changing your morning habits, the benefits are worth the effort.
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