The Truth About Perimenopause

Let’s be honest: perimenopause can feel like an identity crisis wrapped in brain fog, sleepless nights, and the occasional rage spiral over the dishwasher. One day you’re thriving, the next you’re Googling “why do I feel like I hate everyone?” at 2:00 AM. In this week’s episode of the Relationship Reset podcast, I sat down with the brilliant Dr. Colette White, a UK-trained gynecologist and menopause specialist living in Germany, to uncover the truth about perimenopause. And let me tell you, it’s not what most of us were taught (or not taught at all).

If you’re in your late 30s to mid-50s, juggling work, family, and wondering why your body and mind feel different lately…you are not alone. And you’re not losing it. You’re likely perimenopausal, and the truth is, most women don’t get the support or information they need until they’re deep in it.

Let’s change that.

What Even Is Perimenopause?

Let’s get clear right out of the gate: menopause is the moment you’ve gone 12 months without a period. Everything leading up to that? That rollercoaster of mood swings, hot flashes, disrupted sleep, weight gain, anxiety, and low libido? That’s perimenopause. Here’s the truth about perimenopause: it can start as early as your mid-30s and last up to a decade. That’s right. Those weird emotional swings or sudden rage fits might not be “just stress” or “getting older.” Your hormones are shifting, and your body is asking for support.

“You’re Too Young” and Other Harmful Myths

Dr. White shared her own frustrating experience of being dismissed by a fellow doctor when she brought up hormone therapy. She was told she was “too young,” even though she was a trained gynecologist with advanced menopause education. Sadly, this is all too common. The outdated belief that hormone therapy is dangerous or should only be used in extreme cases still lingers. But research has moved on and so should our care. 

Proper hormone therapy, when individualized, can relieve symptoms and support long-term health like heart and bone protection.This is part of the larger truth about perimenopause that’s rarely talked about: women are being dismissed, gaslit, or left to tough it out…often in silence.

It’s Not Just Your Period…It’s Everything

Hormones don’t just impact your cycle. Tthey touch every part of your body. Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone influence:

• Your brain (hello, forgetfulness and brain fog)
• Your sleep
• Your mood and mental health
• Your ability to stay connected in relationships
• Your weight, libido, and vaginal health
• And your confidence in your own skin
  

Dr. White explained that as estrogen declines, it also affects how we process oxytocin, the hormone that builds connection and affection. That means you may feel emotionally distant or even disconnected from your partner… and not know why. This is one of those invisible effects of perimenopause that can quietly wreak havoc in relationships if we don’t name it and talk about it.

What Can You Actually Do About It?

Here’s the empowering part of the truth about perimenopause: you don’t have to just ride it out and suffer. There are tools, strategies, and medical support options available. You have choices.

1. Track Your Experience

Keep a journal or use an app to log how you’re feeling: physically, emotionally, and mentally. This gives you insight and proof when advocating for care.

2. Rethink Intimacy

If sex feels uncomfortable or painful, that’s not something you have to just push through. Vaginal estrogen cream, coconut oil, vibrators for circulation, and good lubricant (use it before you need it!) are all simple ways to support your body.

3. Include Your Partner

Help your partner understand what you’re going through. Use humor, code words (like “grumpy porcupine,” as one of my couples does), and regular check-ins. Connection doesn’t always start in the bedroom. It often starts with conversation.

4. Delay Big Life Decisions

It’s common to feel like walking away from your job, your partner, or your life as you knew it. But don’t make major changes without pausing. Check in with a coach or counselor. Your perception may be shaped by hormonal shifts more than reality.

5. Find the Right Medical Support

If your doctor isn’t listening, keep looking. You deserve care that understands the full picture. Menopause-literate doctors exist, and they can help you feel like you again.

You’re Not Broken. You’re in Transition

At the end of the day, the truth about perimenopause is that it’s a phase of life that’s been stigmatized, misunderstood, and minimized for far too long. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. This season can be disorienting, yes…but it can also be a turning point. A time to reconnect with your body, your needs, your voice, and your partner in a deeper, more honest way. On the other side of perimenopause, many women report feeling free…free from monthly stress, free to explore new sides of their sexuality, and free to live with more self-assurance.

You’re not alone, and you’re not supposed to do this in silence. Start the conversation. Ask for what you need. And most importantly, trust yourself. Let’s normalize this phase of life. Let’s support each other. And let’s reclaim our energy, pleasure, and power…together.