One of the most common questions I hear from couples is: “Is this normal? Is our relationship healthy?” It’s a question that reveals not just curiosity, but a deep desire for connection, stability, and reassurance. For many, especially those who didn’t grow up with emotionally healthy relationship role models, it can be hard to know what to look for. That’s why I invited Teresha Young onto the podcast for a conversation that brought not only clarity but also tangible tools you can start using right away.
Teresha Young is a leading multi-award-winning, accredited, and certified international wellness and relationship coach based in the UK. With over 20 years of experience, she specializes in helping individuals build better relationships with themselves, leading to powerful transformations in their well-being, confidence, and relationships with others. She is the creator of the S.A.F.E. framework, guiding clients to feel Secure, Aligned, Fulfilled, and Empowered. Her work has been featured by BBC Radio, Thrive Global, International Coaching News, Couples Learn, and more. She also hosts the globally recognized podcast Real Relationship Talk, where I had the honor of being a guest.
In our conversation, we unpacked a concept that can feel elusive in a world saturated with romantic highlight reels and advice overload: what healthy love feels like. This isn’t about the glossy perfection shown on Instagram. It’s not about constant bliss or zero conflict. It’s about creating emotional safety, staying curious, and being willing to grow.
The Path to Emotional Health Begins Within
One of Teresha’s biggest insights was that emotional health in relationships starts with the relationship you have with yourself. Before you can show up with compassion and openness to your partner, you have to understand your own emotional landscape. This includes how your thoughts affect your feelings, how those feelings influence your behaviors, and how that cycle plays out in your connections with others.
Teresha shared how her own life journey, marked by childhood trauma and early heartbreak, shaped her desire to better understand the mind-body-emotion connection. When she began healing through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and self-discovery, everything shifted. She realized that thoughts influence emotions, emotions influence behavior, and behavior creates the patterns we live in. And unless we bring conscious awareness to those patterns, they define our relationships by default.
What Healthy Love Feels Like: Clarity, Not Perfection
One of the greatest misconceptions about healthy relationships is that they are conflict-free. But Teresha reminded us that real intimacy isn’t about avoiding hard conversations. It’s about creating the safety to have them. In healthy love, you might feel frustrated, disappointed, or misunderstood at times. But what matters most is your ability to come back to each other with honesty and care.
Healthy love feels like being seen and valued. It means having space to express your thoughts, your fears, your hopes…without the fear of rejection. It also means practicing vulnerability, even when it’s uncomfortable. Teresha shared that emotional intimacy is about creating space for honest, open, transparent (or H.O.T.) communication.
So often, couples confuse emotional closeness with never fighting. But fighting isn’t the issue. It’s the absence of repair, curiosity, and empathy that signals trouble. Emotional health means recognizing that difficult emotions aren’t bad—they’re messengers. When you view them through the lens of curiosity instead of judgment, you begin to understand each other better. This is one of the essential ingredients of what healthy love feels like.
Patterns, Not Perfection
Another critical point Teresha emphasized was the importance of emotional patterns. If you’re feeling disconnected, anxious, or overwhelmed in your relationship, it’s worth looking at those patterns instead of the isolated moments. Are you consistently feeling disappointed after conflict? Are you withdrawing more often than you’re connecting?
By identifying these recurring emotions and tracing them back to their thoughts and triggers, you can shift your relationship from a reactive space to a responsive one. Teresha recommends journaling as a powerful tool to do this. Writing down your feelings, without judgment, and asking reflective questions like: “What was I thinking in that moment? What did I need?” helps you better understand your emotional experience and share it more clearly with your partner.
And when both partners bring this kind of awareness to the relationship, something powerful happens: conversations change. Arguments decrease. Connection deepens. That’s what healthy love feels like.
Your Nervous System is the Gateway to Connection
We can’t talk about emotional health without talking about the nervous system. If your body doesn’t feel safe, your brain can’t communicate effectively. This is especially true for those who grew up in unpredictable or emotionally unsafe environments. Our nervous system remembers what it’s like to be shut down, criticized, or ignored. And when conflict arises in adult relationships, we often respond from those old patterns.
Teresha encourages her clients to make nervous system regulation a daily practice, not just something you do before a big conversation. Breathwork, grounding exercises, and mindfulness techniques can all help you stay present and emotionally available.
One of her favorite practices is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, where you use your senses to ground yourself in the present moment. Five things you see. Four you can touch. Three you hear. Two you can smell. One you can taste. It’s simple but powerful, and it brings you back to a state of calm, where connection can happen.
Shifting From Reactive to Intentional Communication
We all have moments where we word-vomit onto our partner, especially when we’re exhausted or overwhelmed. But emotional health requires that we communicate intentionally. That means choosing the right time, energy, and environment for deeper conversations.
Teresha recommends writing down what you want to say before initiating a conversation. This helps you stay focused, rather than spiraling into a list of past grievances. She also suggests checking in with your partner before diving in. Ask, “Is now a good time for a serious conversation?” Respecting each other’s emotional capacity is part of building trust.
And if you’re unsure how to bring up a deeper emotional need, she shared an incredible free resource: the Igniting Emotional Intimacy E-Guide. It’s packed with thoughtful questions designed to help couples explore and deepen their emotional connection. You can find the link to this guide in the show notes.
Celebrating the Good and Practicing Appreciation
Teresha reminded us that emotionally healthy relationships aren’t just built on navigating hard things. They’re sustained by celebrating the good. So many couples get caught in a loop of “what’s not working” and forget to notice the things that are. She encourages couples to ask each other weekly:
- What’s one thing you love and respect about me?
- What small moment made you feel connected this week?
- What are you grateful for in our relationship?
When we train our brain to see the green flags, the moments of laughter, support, and tenderness, we start to rewire our focus. And that builds resilience for the tougher seasons.
What Healthy Love Feels Like: It’s an Ongoing Practice
If you’re still wondering whether your relationship is emotionally healthy, know this: the fact that you’re asking the question is a good sign. It means you care. It means you’re willing to grow. And growth is the heartbeat of healthy love.
Emotional health is not about perfection. It’s about presence and being curious, self-aware, and intentional. It’s about having hard conversations with empathy and celebrating small wins along the way. And it’s about learning how to self-soothe, so you can show up as your best self in the relationship.
And above all, it’s about creating a partnership where both people feel safe to be fully seen, heard, and valued. That’s what healthy love feels like.Your relationship is worth the effort. It’s never too late to reset, reignite, and rebuild and to discover for yourself what healthy love feels like.
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